Friendships- The Rewrite

So the reflection of this year I am CELEBRATING the “ride or die’ crew.  Celebrate their love for each other.  Celebrate how no matter when things get bad, good, great, horrible, sad, fun that we are traveling together.  I want to SHOUT how wonderful they are!  Our TRIBE.

I often re-read books  but none more valuable to me as The Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes.  I have shared and gifted this book over and over again.  She reached me in such a positive way.  There are layers in this book.  Each time I read I take away something different.  Today I am in a reflection of the past year and my attention is on her writing of her friendships.  Her “ride or die crew”.   Suddenly my eyes are opened by her description of a friend she deems as becoming more toxic.  To paraphrase; the author slowly realizes that she was being manipulated by this friend.  As she became healthier she realized she had actually created the friend’s kind persona. She described the sloth-like awakening to the real personality perfectly. I experienced something similar a few years ago it rang true to me today like a bell.

I had the same experience and was truly devastated by the cruelty of a friend. Like Shonda I had manufactured the reciprocal  friendship.  Their manipulation & betrayal  happened during a very bad year.  The year of the Smackdown.  The year I longed for  support. The year I almost lost G to a bizarre disease. I saw the friend as they truly were.  As G always said they were and I denied.  It is now my favorite year as I found my TRUE “Ride or Die” crew.

There are people in our lives that become family.  Our tribe. After that experience I check myself.  Not for the fake friends because we can always be fooled.  No, I now make SURE I am not rewriting the personality of the friend.  That I stand up to those who are manipulating. It’s more honest. It’s more painful.  It’s more joyous.

My experience was the toxic don’t go quietly.  To survive them is an accomplishment.

We are all part of a Tribe.  We find each other randomly and become like family.  I may not even see my fellow tribesman for years but when we meet it’s like we were never apart.   To those beautiful, funny,loving, crazy people in my life who I would “ride or die” with; you are loved beyond measure.