Things I Wish People Would Stop Saying;

Bucket List is first on my…well…list. It seems kind of glass half empty. I prefer wish list or dream list. Why does it have to relate to death? Bucket list seems kinda whiney – “I didn’t get to do what I wanted”. Yes we did! We made our own choices, lived the way we chose. If one wants to do something, why not figure out how to do it NOW? Wasn’t that the point of the movie?

… “and so forth”. What are we in the 17th century? Who says forth anymore? (Well unless one is reading from a King James Bible…also written in the 17th century)

“I have a bone to pick with you” The visual is disgusting. Well there is Thanksgiving when my sister and I strip the turkey together but we always have a lot  of fun so the meaning of the phrase is lost.

Which leads me to “I have too much on my plate”. Again with the visual of an empty plate at the beginning of the buffet and the heaping plate at the end. Why did you take so much you greedy bastard? (Unless it’s chocolate cake. There’s always room for chocolate cake on a plate).

“Devil’s advocate”. Why would one want to be an advocate for evil? I once met an ex atheist who became a preacher who actually said “let me play the devil’s advocate” all the while discounting everything I believed. To this day I think she DID have a personal relationship with the devil as she took down an entire church. Personally there are a lot of other entities/people/causes for which I AM and would love to be an advocate.

Thinking outside the box. Overused. Wish I found this box because the box seems like a very comfortable place. I could curl up in a soft blanket and sleep in that box for a while. Someone please get me a box. I am a very tired. (It must have been all the thinking when I was outside the box).

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Yep, This Happened

It’s not what you think.  All we did was ask directions.

 

imageTraveling like we are teenagers it’s easy to overdo it. Venice is a walking city. We logged in average 10.2 miles a day (according to my health app).  Therefore on the 2nd day G’s back froze up.  We needed a doctor so naturally we asked a pharmacist.

Back to WHY we were being perp walked. (Yes, perp walked. Five abreast very slowly as in I didn’t think a human could walk so slowly). We continued along the sidewalk between all the busy shops and the busy café.  The 3 police men were packing rapid fire machine guns held diagonally across their chest and wearing oh-so-cute little monkey hats.  Their eyes scanned the perimeter as they joked in Italian (surely at our expense). Perhaps we should have been embarrassed by the full on police escort but we ate it up and played right into it as people stared and then looked away quickly when we made eye contact.  ANYway, they dropped us off at the doctor which was (in true Italian signage) at the complete opposite end of the square from where the sign with the arrow and a blue cross that said clinic.

The doctors asked a few questions, observed him and then just gave him a shot in the back. We wish that we knew what it was because it cured him.  The entire visit including the shot cost six euro.  All around the best $6.76 we ever spent.

Moon Salute

We have been getting up well before the butt-crack of dawn to adjust to upcoming 8 hour time change for a trip.   So this morning at 3 A.M. I began  my yoga, the Sun Salute, in the darkness.  Beautiful full moon last night so why not just change it to a moon salute?  The moon feels like a friend over my shoulder as I stretch and bend in the silver light.  Suddenly I saw something move out of the corner of my eye.   I spun around very fast! (Well it FELT very fast. Like the Flash…if the Flash was a 56 year old lady in her backyard doing the sun salute to the moon). I landed in my version of a crouching tiger/hidden dragon pose  ready to do battle only to see the object  moving about 10 feet away!  I jumped and screamed a little simultaneously realizing it was only my moon shadow. Caught by G, who was watching and is  now laughing hysterically.   In spite of my efforts to turn my yip and a dash into an impromptu part of my moon shadow dance, I have fooled no one.cropped-cropped-fullsizerender-32.jpg

I might just be a mermaid…

legs sailboatI’m always so thirsty.  Uhh, nothing will satisfy the craving.  One day I kept track and I drank 22 16oz glasses of water.  Maybe it’s the dry air of the desert as we all seem to walk around with our adult sippy cups.   I even think about water all the time. I dream of swimming, laughing in the rain, floating on rivers, and sometimes living underwater.  I once saw a scary old movie  where a fisherman wanted to catch a mysterious mermaid who was  singing beautifully to him.  I was captivated until…he caught a FISH HEAD  with LEGS!  Oh and  I also believe  mermaids must be vegetarians.  One could not go around eating their little singing  friends like  Sebastian or Flounder.  I can’t imagine going to a mermaid RedLobster and ordering a Dory with a side of Nemo.  I would enjoy the flowing hair and the weightlessness would be graceful.  However, if  I WAS a mermaid, where does one go to the bathroom?  Fish just go poo anywhere. Not so attractive when a mermaid does it. I have questions. I would definitely be a very thirsty mermaid too because I couldn’t drink the poop water.    I am just a thirsty land mermaid. (This picture only shows my human legs).